It was cold out. Colder than usual. A week before my mom's birthday. The whole day seemed like a complete daze. It was one of those days where you just want to curl up under your blankets and watch your favorite movies. That's exactly what I did. My mom wanted to know if I watned to go with her to Denver (she had gotten some early birthday presents, and money was one of them). I didn't want to go, though. She was going with her boyfriend. I'm not particularly a FAN of him. So I stayed home, and waved goodbye to them as they drove away in the snow. It's nice to have company, but I just wanted to be alone.
It was cold out, but I liked it. The cold bit my nose and it gave me a familiar sense of joy that I hadn't had in a while. So I sat on the porch for a while. I shut the front door with a slam and took my seat on a throne of snow. At the time, I wasn't wearing a jacket, or socks, or shoes. I was still in my PJs because the day was just about being comfortable. I stared at the big tree in my front yard. Not 3 months ago it was green and lush with the little pink flowers I'd grown to love. But now it was this brown mass, so depressing and alone. Whithered and enpty to sit for another hundred years, alone. The cold got to me, though, so I went to turn the knob to my green living room. It wouldn't budge. I turned it the other way hoping that was the reason I couldn't enter. It wasn't, though. I had been turning the know the correct way as I began to panic. The door was locked. How could I have been so stupid? I should've known better not to shut the door without my key. I started to hypervenhilate. Why?! So I just sat back down. I pulled my head and my arms into my shirt and I sat on my feet. I could do nothing but wait and hope that tonight was going to be the night that my brother came home from his girlfriend's.
People driving by me gave me strange looks. I would've made a face too, if I saw myself then, looking so weak and powerless. The looks made me upset and I would often yell something like "I'm cold and my ears hurt, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!". I got a pain in my stomach and I felt like I was going to throw up. My legs began to cramp. I tried singing to myself to try and... calm down. Nothing would work, though. I just felt stupid. I prayed to God, to Buddah, to ANYONE who would listen that I wouldn't throw up all over my porch. I didn't. I didn't throw up at all. That gave me a sense of pride for a short moment, until I realized that I got myself locked outside. It was one of those moments when it didn't even seem like it was you on the edge of tears. I felt like I was one of those people before my time. One of the Amish-Nomads who had to live without the niceties we have today. Food (food fast), heat (electric heaters), shelter (homes/hotels), transportation (cars), breath . . . breathe. I wondered why this was the one moment when I didn't have my phone or Zune with me. The two devices would have made the situation go by so much faster. I could imagine my plain black house key sitting on my plain black dresser, taunting me in the warmth of my home. It was listening to the rantings of Donnie Darko, Harold Krick, Scott Pilgrim, and quote-unquote "Fantastic Mr. Fox" who I'm sure were also warm.
I escaped, though. My brother did infact come home. We continued to watch the Zodiac and Paper Heart, wondering who the killer is and if love is infact true. So, as I sit here with my favorite tea in my hand, and my warm sibling next to me I have to admit that I have bad luck, though my constant denial that the concept of "luck" is even true. The little bits of good luck make it all better, though. For movies, heaters, homes, cars, pajamas, tea, blankets, brothers, and knowing that I didn't have to sit there for one more minute makes up for it all.
